About two years ago, I saw a psychologist to get medication for my ADHD-I. She was a lesbian, and when I told her that I was a gay man in a heterosexual marriage, she spent an entire session hammering me with questions about my situation in a genuine effort to make sure I was happy. I didn’t love that she did this, but as a clinician myself, I understood where she was coming from.
During our conversation, she told me about her life with her partner. She spoke of a girl, whom she considered her daughter, who is the biological child of her ex-lover, with whom she lived for only three years. She told me of how much she loved her daughter, but how infrequently she got to see her. And eventually, when talking about my sex life, she said “well, that’s good you enjoy sex with your wife, but I think it’s sad that you have to settle for something that is counterfeit.”
I was a little taken aback by this idea—I don’t consider my sex-life to be counterfeit. In response, I jokingly said “and I’m sorry that you have to settle for a counterfeit family.” She immediately saw my point and apologized for that comment. Obviously, I don’t actually think a family with non-biological members is counterfeit in any way. I also don’t feel that my sex-life is counterfeit. They are both examples of something that is different than the ideal. I made that joke to illustrate a point. If you are gay, you will have to choose to fill in the gaps somewhere. She chose to have a family in a way that is different than the ideal. I choose to enjoy sex in a way that is different than the ideal for a gay man. It all comes down to what you choose and why, and knowing what you want for yourself and why you want it. That’s basically what life is all about.
This is a truly touching piece written by a gay Mormon man who is married (to a woman) and has three children. He acknowledges his sexuality, but chooses to live the teachings of his religion and have a wife (whom he came out to as a teenager) and biological children. It was an article that really challenged me on a personal level. I thought, “He’s denying who he truly is!!!” But he isn’t. He knows who he is and acknowledges that the choices he’s made were right for him. As he puts it:
I really love what he says later:
Wow. Amazing piece. I know a lot of people who are gay and religious, and EVERYONE - including LGBT people who don’t get why someone would stay in a religion that condemns same-sex activity - needs to read this.
I love this. I do.
That guy had absolutely no point what so ever and is an asshole for marrying a woman and having a family when he is gay. Just because he feels he’s okay with surpressing his most inner needs doesn’t mean that shit is fair to anyone.
Fuck, I swear I just can’t hear shit about mormons with out wanting those fuckers to all die.
Absolutely no gay religious person should read this.
In fact all gays need to be sent to a dereligification camp.